How to reconnect with YOU during motherhood
Guest Blog by: Holly Kennedy, LPC, PMH-C and Ellen Jones, M.Ed., PMH-C
Co-founders, Mother Tree Wellness
Now that you’re a mom, do you ever look around and feel like your life is totally unrecognizable? Where you used to have predictability, routine, and autonomy, now you have a mushy blob of time and space and don’t even know which way is up? We get it.
When a mom comes to us and says that she doesn’t even know who she is right now, we get started with these two amazing words: Anchor points. One of our very favorite frameworks to help moms make sense of early motherhood, anchor points help us feel like ourselves no matter what blobby chaos is swirling around us.
Anchor points are anything in your life that is consistent, predictable, and easily accessible that makes you feel like yourself through the ups and downs of your day. They tend to be seemingly small and simple - so woven into your day, in fact, that you might not even notice how important they are to your well-being on a daily basis until a stressful time hits.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed or going through a tough time, anchor points are often the first things to fall off the priority list even though that’s when you need them most. Before you know it, you haven’t engaged with those anchor points, you feel swept away by the overwhelm, and feel even more out of sorts and unmoored.
So, what can you do to hang onto your anchor points when you need them most? As Brene Brown says, when we name and own things we give ourselves power. Let’s do that here.
Step one:
Name it. Now that you know what an anchor point is, you can recognize one when you see it. (Yay you! You already did step one!)
Step two:
Own it. Know what your anchor points are so you can stick to them even when (especially when) you don’t feel like it.
Let’s break down anchor points into four categories and go over some real examples we’ve heard from moms to jumpstart your awareness of how they show up in your life:
Rituals: Moments throughout your day that give you a bit of connection with others or yourself. Look at times of transition throughout the day to find anchor points there: Kissing/hugging your partner before you part for the day and when you’re reunited, doing your full am/pm skincare routine that makes you feel like you’re at a spa for three minutes, lighting a candle on your desk, sipping that first cup of coffee - prepared exactly how you love it - in a quiet house before everyone wakes up, or adding one line in your journal before bedtime.
Routines: Moments throughout your day that give you a bit of structure and predictability without having to think consciously about it. Think of your daily routine here (breakfast, daycare drop-off, office, daycare pick-up, dinner, bathtime, bedtime), regular appointments or dates on your calendar like monthly dinners with friends, or your meal plan if you tend to make one (taco Tuesdays, pizza Fridays).
Relationships: Anyone or anything that offers you a bit of social rest (time when you can be completely authentic and you don’t feel like you have to force it or put on a happy face) can be a relationship anchor point. Don’t forget your pets here - they’re relationship anchor points for a lot of us!
Recreation: Anything you do in your life that makes you feel like yourself. Hobbies, exercise, even work. Anything that allows you to step out of your own head for a little while. Some common recreation anchor points we hear are cooking, gardening, baking, running, walking, lifting weights, yoga, working, writing, reading for fun, or creative expression.
Here’s a fun plot twist for new moms and anyone going through a life transition: Your anchor points change over time! As you shift and grow into different versions of you, your anchor points will shift as well.
The key is to give yourself all the grace as you redefine yourself, without judging yourself too harshly for the changes you’re experiencing. We’re all always shifting and changing. You may find that you return to some of those anchor points you miss, and you may find that some of them just aren’t for you anymore. You’ll find new anchor points as you go, reconnecting with yourself by building in moments throughout your day that start to look a little more familiar.
If you are local to Charlottesville and have a little one between the ages of 4 weeks and 5 years, check out this 4 week in-person series to reconnect, realign and restructure your perspective in motherhood. This class will also include a 30-minute postpartum workout taught by Pelvic PT Michelle Little.
Our hope is to fill your cup with mental and physical well being every Saturday morning while building connections with other moms in the same stage.
Mother Tree Wellness is a coaching practice for every season of motherhood. Check out our virtual private coaching and group opportunities to find more ease, confidence, and joy in your day-to-day motherhood journey.
Instagram: @mothertreemoms
Website: www.mtwcoaching.com